Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
