I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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