i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
