I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
