I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
