There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
