i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
