If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
