So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
