Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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