I just pynch a tree in the face
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
