guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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