Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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