CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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