But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
