Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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