he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
