I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
