i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
