I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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