i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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