well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
