but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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