Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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