She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
