just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
