so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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