You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
