Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
