I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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