can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize