DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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