was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
