i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
