My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
