After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
