well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
