Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
