Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
