whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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