Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
