No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
