yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
