I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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