3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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