He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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