If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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