you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
