Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
