she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
