I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
