I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
