This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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