4 words: hood of his car
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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