I wish you could order shots online.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
