I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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