I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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