Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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