Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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