1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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