This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
two words: eviction party
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize