As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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