okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize