I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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