is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
