dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
vagina is talking i cant
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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