This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
